Bros over Hoes; Chicks over Dicks.
So…
I’m pretty certain that whoever came up with these ridiculous rules was single, and bitter. I’m also pretty certain that whenever this individual fell in love, he/she threw them out the window. Hypocrisy or revelation? I say the latter.It’s not to say that friends are just standbys in between relationships until you find “the one.” It’s also not to say that friends should be shoved completely to the side while love takes over, but maybe the friends could move over a little bit? There’s been countless stupid fights on this topic—single friends feel betrayed and hurt, but why?
In the beginnings of the relationship, when boy and girl are still deciding whether the other is relationship material, the friends of said boy and girl are so excited and supporting of these events. The girls admire and giggle over all the flowers, cards, chocolates, etc. While the guys analyze the girl’s outer appearance and personality. But once the relationship becomes official and exclusive, a dark cloud seems to envelope the friendships. A dark cloud full of jealousy, resentment, and hurt. One would think with all this build up and anticipation to the relationship, the friends would understand that time together would be less frequent, but it’s just not the case. I too was once guilty of these bad feelings, but for me, it was mostly out of jealousy—why can she get a boyfriend and I can’t?
I and some other friends have lost a lot of friendships because of these bad feelings, and we’re all confounded. I have come to think that maybe most friends are just standbys until you find “the one.” Once you’re married and have children, friendships are no longer your priority; but the friendships that have lasted through the initial transitions of the relationships are the ones that will probably last a lifetime. It’s definitely been easier to be closer to friends who are in relationships or had been in one before. These friends seem to understand when you need to bail on plans to be with your significant other. They get you through the fights and share your triumphs. They feel the same glow and happiness as you exchange anniversary stories. I definitely think this is why in love stories, the main characters’ closest friends is another couple or are nonexistent.
This is not to say that we should dump all our friends who are still single, because some of my closest friends have never been in a relationship (though I can’t seem to understand why). But just as types of hazardous wastes can’t be mixed together (liquids with solids), maybe singles and those in relationships can’t be mixed too well either.
The world’s expectations for couples to fall out of that initial infatuation phase is so selfish. People just want their friends back, and all to themselves. Apparently, after two and a half years, Robert and I still are in that lovey-dovey, honey-moon phase, but I don’t see why this is a bad thing. Maybe we are still this way because we have few friends left, or maybe we are still so in love because the relationship is beneficial to us. It’s probably both. If it’s more so the latter, then shouldn’t those disgruntled friends be happy that I’ve found someone who loves me so unconditionally?
All I’m saying is that friends should see their neglect coming before the relationship even develops. If the boy isn’t intentionally hurting their friend, then they should be nothing but supportive of their friend, and simply accept that they aren’t a priority in her life anymore and move over a little. Maybe then, friendships wouldn’t be ruined by boyfriends/girlfriends. I’m pretty sure that these friends who are so hurt by their friend’s supposed betrayal will go right on ahead and “betray” her friends too. Falling in and out of love is just a natural part of life. Your parents don’t feel betrayed or hurt when you leave them. The children too aren’t supposed to feel guilty for leaving either. Similarly, friends shouldn’t feel betrayed when their friend has moved on to a better part of her life, and she shouldn’t have to feel guilty for finding love.
“Love is a language spoken by everyone, but understood only by a heart.”
—Shirley RindaniPS. This post was not meant to hurt anyone. They’re just my thoughts, accept them. Maybe, learn from them.
